Posts Tagged ‘life’

wishing well & expectation

November 20, 2007

I want to analyse, dissect, understand, describe, classify, weigh, feel, touch and explain our need and process of wishing well to our friends and other brothers and sisters of the world, to myself. What is well wishing actually?

I would really like to learn to make other people happy. But for that one needs “know-how”, it seems we are learning whole life how to make other people happy – and it is not so easy. And then sometimes I feel that when people wish well to other people – that well wishing is actually “I don’t wish anything that is not well to you” and you’d agree, that is something completely different. Now some people wish well to other people in their own way – and that again is something from the world of limitation.

And I don’t want to limit people and their abilities. I cannot wish them things that I wish for myself too – presuming they would be good for them too. For example, for the time being, I do not have any wish whatsoever to climb the Himalayas. But there were people who fulfilled that wish in their life even before I was born. Of course, I do have a wish to run a marathon (I reckon it would not be so difficult thing to do, with adequate preparation) but I will not wish that to people who did not find their inspiration in running (yet).

Another thing that happens are expectations. We do something for someone – and then somehow subconsciously (or even consciously) we expect something in return. I remember that someone said once that only rich people can give. That is true. People are not rich and poor according to amount of wealth they amassed, but rather according to their capacity to give. If we cherish expectations it is the same thing as if we wrote the equation “I have expectations = I am poor” on T-shirts that we are wearing. Perhaps we are trying to hide our expectations cleverly – but our face will reveal it.

When we play chess, we do not get greatest joy when we correctly anticipated the oponent’s move – but provided that we observe the knightly beauty of fair-play, we will value more when our friend from the opposite side of table makes move that is unexpected, and better than all other moves we foresaw. We feel joy because new idea was revealed in front of our eyes, although it is evident that because of that idea we are losing our chess game.

Why to have expectations then in life? Even if our expectations are met – what is new? Let unpredicted beautiful things happen; and for that we must free space for newness by silencing our demanding part of mind.

Perhaps we selflessly do something and we say – even if that person do not know to value that properly, Nature or God will repay us back through some other person in some other time. This is nothing else but more refined expectation. But there is some joy in not expecting at all, in detaching from results of our works.

It is not just imagination, such joy. We can actually feel it. And our face will shine with selflessness, when nobody is watching or everybody is watching.

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the fountain pen

November 11, 2007

Pelikan fountain pen
I don’t know about you. But like my father I am absolutely crazy about nice fountain pens. He used to buy pens over the years whenever he got the chance, so even in primary school I used to write homeworks with various fountain pens. Of course, my fingers were all over blue with ink, back then I could never manage to hold pen correctly – but compensation at least was that I was feeling very special like I am living in medieval times and writing some ancient book using a big feather.

Few years ago I was using one pen very dear to me but its mechanism of pulling the ink inside broke, and I have no idea how to fix that – so I was missing writing with my special pen very much, until few days ago. It happened that I found one old Pelikan fountain pen, I even forgot about that we have it, so today I pulled the ink inside, and tried it. Well, it is not accustomed to my hand (golden rule is, never borrow your pen to anybody, nor take the pen from anybody). New Pelikan pens are quite expensive here, but I guess we bought this one from some collectionist, and that is why it will need time to adjust itself to my handwriting.

I know that you will find this funny but I guarantee it is true – whenever I take fountain pen to write something, or to study, I become much much more focused and concentrated than when I am writing with a roller or pencil. It seems even that I am becoming more intelligent (meaning manifesting more of some hidden intelligence from my little brain :-) when I am writing with pen. Have no idea how it is possible, but in reality it really seems so. I found a photo of this Pelikan pen on internet (I like blue colour, mine are brown or green, but there is also very nice dark red colour too). Isn’t it beautiful!

Needless to say, anybody who uses pen to write letters to one’s friends, taking enough time to pick the right envelope and paper from the vast variety there is – knows that it is beauty unparalleled, compared to writing an email. Ah, good ole times!

a morning stroll

November 3, 2007

yellow-leavesfs.jpgThis morning I was strolling with my mom in the neighbourhood, and let me tell you, Belgrade is beautiful in autumn. Yellow leaves everywhere around on the asphalt often gave impression of some beautiful natural carpet. We went to the church, and I lit some candles there. I like very much to light candles in the church, and often it brings me some deep peace in my heart. When we were buying candles I noticed the little book about St. Seraphim of Sarov, and so I asked mom to buy it. He is one of my favourite Saints from Russia. He greeted all with the words: “My joy!” (“radosti moja” in Serbian translation, so sweet words) and I was often impressed reading how his heart was full of forgiveness. Then we walked back home, and stopped to nearby bakery to buy bread and yogurt. I was so joyful to see that they are selling chocolate milk too – it is my kind of nectar. We also collected some seeds of flowers and sunflowers, I don’t know if it will grow on our balcony we have to wait for the spring, so we shall see then.